The One Pager
If you only have time for one page, this is it...
Each day, we all try to make positive change in our lives. And both personally and collectively, we ARE making progress. Yet despite our best of intentions and actions, we often aren’t as successful as we'd like to be.
Whether it’s improving our work & financial issues, relationships, social lives or health challenges – or dealing with the larger issues affecting our communities, environment and planet – ours can be “a world that yields most painfully to change,” as Robert F. (Bobby) Kennedy once put it. So what are we missing?
After working in this field for 40 years, I've come to some realizations that both surprised me and changed how I work. Here is a summary of some of the key ones -- which I hope you will find helpful in making change in your life.
Understanding What Fosters Change
When I began my career, I experienced a lot of conflict in trying to create change, both in the environmental field and in a young marriage. What I finally realized was that my methods were causing this conflict, and also bringing limited results. This is what I learned:
1) We try to get others to do what we want, rather than listening to and finding out what they want.
2) We focus on changing people's behaviour, rather than on what drives it.
3) We treat people in ways that we wouldn’t want to be treated ourselves.
4) Our desire for change is often motivated by some type of need, lack, conflict or fear in us.
5) Actions based on this ‘consciousness’ actually grow it -- in spite of our best intentions to create a better life, and a better world.
When we try to change others to get what we want or need, it often doesn't serve the other person. We make 'being right' and 'winning' more important than mutual progress. And we use methods -- such as pressure, anger, guilt or fear -- which actually turn people off rather than engage them. These are some of the reasons why change comes so slowly: with customers, clients, competitors... friends, spouses, children... managers, staff... politicians, the public. And even when we do succeed, it comes with a very high cost -- of increased conflict, frustration and resentment, or declining interest, trust and connection with others.
Why? Because most people don't want to be changed.
[Read more]
The Thinking behind Behaviour Change
Consider a simple idea: that what we do (our behaviour) is an expression of how we think, feel and believe.
If this true, then simply changing someone's behaviour, or telling them to act differently, doesn't get at the roots of our problems. People don't feel accepted, heard or valued. Trying to fix, correct or control them actually breeds resentment. And these thoughts/feelings then get expressed through other behaviours.
If it's the thinking behind our actions that shapes what we do, this is an important clue about how to make change. Rather than trying to change what people do, we can become more effective by understanding & working with why people act the way they do -- i.e. what matters to and motivates them underneath (their values, beliefs, needs and fears).
Instead of trying to "convince, sell or motivate others" to act in certain ways, suppose we began with questions like:
What would really serve this person?
How would they like to be treated?
What would raise and inspire them?
What would help people feel safe, more secure, confident and empowered?
How can I help this person fulfill their wants and needs?
What I've found in doing this is that it works. It creates more trust and less conflict. Greater willingness to listen and consider alternatives. Increased motivation to act. Greater cooperation. And more successful outcomes, for everyone.
[Read more]
A Split in Human Nature
One of my most important learnings came from reading a strange idea: That there is a 'split' within human nature. It's an insight I now use every day, and have found essential in helping myself and others create change.
Put as simply as possible, within each of us are two mindsets: One that thinks/acts out of fear, separateness, self interest and competition with others. And the other which thinks/acts out of love, shared interests, understanding and connection. (The first I'll call our 'limited-self' or ego; the second, our 'whole-self' or higher self.) Yes, Star Wars was right: we all have our "light and dark" sides. It's something we also know intuitively from observing others and ourselves: One moment we love someone; the next we 'could kill them' over something they've done. It's part of human nature.
Every situation in life presents us with a choice of which mindset we will use to respond. Financial challenges, health problems, relationship difficulties. Environmental problems, terrorism, politics... Each one provokes our fears; and each provides the opportunity to respond differently. But here's the key: The mindset we choose guides the actions we take, the way we treat other people, and results we will receive.
Trying to change others, or seeking to satisfy our needs for happiness or security through them, comes from our limited self. When we use this mindset to create change, we reinforce this thinking in ourselves. We trigger it in others. And we grow this consciousness around us... which is why it is so prevalent in our world today: fear, division, conflict, separateness, and resistance to seeing what's really going on or changing. Conversely, using our whole mindset, and the love, compassion, wisdom and power within us to guide our words & actions, grows this consciousness within and among us. And it is this consciousness that breeds the best "solutions" and the most beneficial and long-lasting, positive change.
[Read more]
Shifting from Behaviour Change to 'Healing Change'
What I've found is that the most powerful change happens when I am willing to shift my own thinking and actions, rather than others. The more that my intention is to increase harmony, understanding, connection and better results for others, the more effective I become. This is what shifted my focus from behaviour change (which is usually based in non-acceptance and conflict) to what I call "healing change." (Note: Two root words for "healing" are "hælan" or "hailjan" -- which mean "to make whole.")
When we look past the surface of what others are saying and doing, what becomes evident is that people have deeper motivations. They want to be heard, respected and valued. They want to feel safer, more secure and more in control of their lives. And they also want to help others and make a difference in the world. But this isn't just true about other people; it's true about ourselves. Most of us want to:
- Feel richer about our lives and better about ourselves;
- Do more of what we love, and succeed more often;
- Improve our relationships, finances, health and well being;
- Feel inspired, raised, and released from guilt, mistakes and the past;
- Heal the conflicts in our lives, and grow deeper, healthier relationships;
- Listen to our own inner wisdom; and experience more peace of mind.
If these are true, what if we used them as our higher goals in whatever we do -- while also incorporating the practical changes we want to see in our work, our life and the world? When we do, what I've found is that Life has a marvellous paradox. The more we learn how to accomplish these for ourselves, the more we can help others do the same. And the more we help others to have these, the more we experience them for ourselves. By giving, we receive; and by receiving, we have more to give.
So how do we build these goals into our thinking, words, actions and strategies? That's what conscious change, conscious business and conscious living are all about.
A New Way of Seeing the World
My final 'insights for change' will be the most unusual -- and also the most challenging to conventional thinking.
Having explored 'consciousness change' for over 35 years, I believe we are on the verge of new worldview that will fundamentally change how we understand our world and make change in our lives. It has these core principles:
1) Our thoughts are continually shaping our experiences and our physical reality.
2) We are connected in consciousness.
3) The physical world comes out of our larger consciousness, rather than the other way around.
4) What stands in the way of our deeper reality is our fear, guilt, separateness and attack-based thinking.
5) By changing our thoughts, we can literally undo this consciousness... which is driving our world today.
This "consciousness worldview" has been difficult for me to accept, because it goes against most of my traditional scientific beliefs. However, it is pointed to by most of the world's oldest wisdom traditions (Vedanta/Hindu, Buddhist, Judeo-Christian, Indigenous & others) and is also now being proposed by respected people in the scientific community. And it's something I've come to believe and use every day in my work and life.
If true, this new worldview will be as important to our lives as the 'discovery' of energy in the early 1900s; the sun-centred solar system advocated by Copernicus and Galileo; and the shift from flat-to-round earth thinking in the time of Columbus. It will alter our very understanding of how life works. And it really will "change everything" in terms of how we create change...
[Read more]
So what is "Conscious Change?"
It's about becoming more conscious of what actually works. That is, how we foster change in ways that create better relationships; less fear, separateness and conflict; more collaboration and harmony; and more successful outcomes -- for ourselves and each another; for our communities, our nations, our environment and our world.
Where do we begin?
Each day, we all try to make positive change in our lives. And both personally and collectively, we ARE making progress. Yet despite our best of intentions and actions, we often aren’t as successful as we'd like to be.
Whether it’s improving our work & financial issues, relationships, social lives or health challenges – or dealing with the larger issues affecting our communities, environment and planet – ours can be “a world that yields most painfully to change,” as Robert F. (Bobby) Kennedy once put it. So what are we missing?
After working in this field for 40 years, I've come to some realizations that both surprised me and changed how I work. Here is a summary of some of the key ones -- which I hope you will find helpful in making change in your life.
Understanding What Fosters Change
When I began my career, I experienced a lot of conflict in trying to create change, both in the environmental field and in a young marriage. What I finally realized was that my methods were causing this conflict, and also bringing limited results. This is what I learned:
1) We try to get others to do what we want, rather than listening to and finding out what they want.
2) We focus on changing people's behaviour, rather than on what drives it.
3) We treat people in ways that we wouldn’t want to be treated ourselves.
4) Our desire for change is often motivated by some type of need, lack, conflict or fear in us.
5) Actions based on this ‘consciousness’ actually grow it -- in spite of our best intentions to create a better life, and a better world.
When we try to change others to get what we want or need, it often doesn't serve the other person. We make 'being right' and 'winning' more important than mutual progress. And we use methods -- such as pressure, anger, guilt or fear -- which actually turn people off rather than engage them. These are some of the reasons why change comes so slowly: with customers, clients, competitors... friends, spouses, children... managers, staff... politicians, the public. And even when we do succeed, it comes with a very high cost -- of increased conflict, frustration and resentment, or declining interest, trust and connection with others.
Why? Because most people don't want to be changed.
[Read more]
The Thinking behind Behaviour Change
Consider a simple idea: that what we do (our behaviour) is an expression of how we think, feel and believe.
If this true, then simply changing someone's behaviour, or telling them to act differently, doesn't get at the roots of our problems. People don't feel accepted, heard or valued. Trying to fix, correct or control them actually breeds resentment. And these thoughts/feelings then get expressed through other behaviours.
If it's the thinking behind our actions that shapes what we do, this is an important clue about how to make change. Rather than trying to change what people do, we can become more effective by understanding & working with why people act the way they do -- i.e. what matters to and motivates them underneath (their values, beliefs, needs and fears).
Instead of trying to "convince, sell or motivate others" to act in certain ways, suppose we began with questions like:
What would really serve this person?
How would they like to be treated?
What would raise and inspire them?
What would help people feel safe, more secure, confident and empowered?
How can I help this person fulfill their wants and needs?
What I've found in doing this is that it works. It creates more trust and less conflict. Greater willingness to listen and consider alternatives. Increased motivation to act. Greater cooperation. And more successful outcomes, for everyone.
[Read more]
A Split in Human Nature
One of my most important learnings came from reading a strange idea: That there is a 'split' within human nature. It's an insight I now use every day, and have found essential in helping myself and others create change.
Put as simply as possible, within each of us are two mindsets: One that thinks/acts out of fear, separateness, self interest and competition with others. And the other which thinks/acts out of love, shared interests, understanding and connection. (The first I'll call our 'limited-self' or ego; the second, our 'whole-self' or higher self.) Yes, Star Wars was right: we all have our "light and dark" sides. It's something we also know intuitively from observing others and ourselves: One moment we love someone; the next we 'could kill them' over something they've done. It's part of human nature.
Every situation in life presents us with a choice of which mindset we will use to respond. Financial challenges, health problems, relationship difficulties. Environmental problems, terrorism, politics... Each one provokes our fears; and each provides the opportunity to respond differently. But here's the key: The mindset we choose guides the actions we take, the way we treat other people, and results we will receive.
Trying to change others, or seeking to satisfy our needs for happiness or security through them, comes from our limited self. When we use this mindset to create change, we reinforce this thinking in ourselves. We trigger it in others. And we grow this consciousness around us... which is why it is so prevalent in our world today: fear, division, conflict, separateness, and resistance to seeing what's really going on or changing. Conversely, using our whole mindset, and the love, compassion, wisdom and power within us to guide our words & actions, grows this consciousness within and among us. And it is this consciousness that breeds the best "solutions" and the most beneficial and long-lasting, positive change.
[Read more]
Shifting from Behaviour Change to 'Healing Change'
What I've found is that the most powerful change happens when I am willing to shift my own thinking and actions, rather than others. The more that my intention is to increase harmony, understanding, connection and better results for others, the more effective I become. This is what shifted my focus from behaviour change (which is usually based in non-acceptance and conflict) to what I call "healing change." (Note: Two root words for "healing" are "hælan" or "hailjan" -- which mean "to make whole.")
When we look past the surface of what others are saying and doing, what becomes evident is that people have deeper motivations. They want to be heard, respected and valued. They want to feel safer, more secure and more in control of their lives. And they also want to help others and make a difference in the world. But this isn't just true about other people; it's true about ourselves. Most of us want to:
- Feel richer about our lives and better about ourselves;
- Do more of what we love, and succeed more often;
- Improve our relationships, finances, health and well being;
- Feel inspired, raised, and released from guilt, mistakes and the past;
- Heal the conflicts in our lives, and grow deeper, healthier relationships;
- Listen to our own inner wisdom; and experience more peace of mind.
If these are true, what if we used them as our higher goals in whatever we do -- while also incorporating the practical changes we want to see in our work, our life and the world? When we do, what I've found is that Life has a marvellous paradox. The more we learn how to accomplish these for ourselves, the more we can help others do the same. And the more we help others to have these, the more we experience them for ourselves. By giving, we receive; and by receiving, we have more to give.
So how do we build these goals into our thinking, words, actions and strategies? That's what conscious change, conscious business and conscious living are all about.
A New Way of Seeing the World
My final 'insights for change' will be the most unusual -- and also the most challenging to conventional thinking.
Having explored 'consciousness change' for over 35 years, I believe we are on the verge of new worldview that will fundamentally change how we understand our world and make change in our lives. It has these core principles:
1) Our thoughts are continually shaping our experiences and our physical reality.
2) We are connected in consciousness.
3) The physical world comes out of our larger consciousness, rather than the other way around.
4) What stands in the way of our deeper reality is our fear, guilt, separateness and attack-based thinking.
5) By changing our thoughts, we can literally undo this consciousness... which is driving our world today.
This "consciousness worldview" has been difficult for me to accept, because it goes against most of my traditional scientific beliefs. However, it is pointed to by most of the world's oldest wisdom traditions (Vedanta/Hindu, Buddhist, Judeo-Christian, Indigenous & others) and is also now being proposed by respected people in the scientific community. And it's something I've come to believe and use every day in my work and life.
If true, this new worldview will be as important to our lives as the 'discovery' of energy in the early 1900s; the sun-centred solar system advocated by Copernicus and Galileo; and the shift from flat-to-round earth thinking in the time of Columbus. It will alter our very understanding of how life works. And it really will "change everything" in terms of how we create change...
[Read more]
So what is "Conscious Change?"
It's about becoming more conscious of what actually works. That is, how we foster change in ways that create better relationships; less fear, separateness and conflict; more collaboration and harmony; and more successful outcomes -- for ourselves and each another; for our communities, our nations, our environment and our world.
Where do we begin?
~ Exploring the thinking, motivation and barriers behind change ~
"It's not just what we do, but how we do it... and why."
"It's not just what we do, but how we do it... and why."